Now this might come as a bit of a shock to hard-core foodies, but not everyone shares their enthusiasm for the culinary arts. Some (but I guess not many) may have noticed that non-foodie friends are not as available as they used to be, since you became enlightened into things of the palate.
If you have realised that you are seeing less of your old friends then there is still hope. However, I guess that many of you are in denial, being totally absorbed in Michelin stars and molecular gastronomy.
So here are a few suggestions that foodies might like to take on board so as not to end up boring your old mates into chosen isolation.
1. Don’t invite your friends to read your blog or follow your Twitter account.
Unless they are interested in dining out or celebrity chefs, then it is best that you restrict your blog and Twitter account to your foodie friends. Believe me, your normal friends will discuss your restaurant reviews behind your back and poke fun of your obsession.
2. Let your friends make their own choice from the menu
Firstly, understand this, your normal friends will not be dining out for the food alone. For them it is the whole package and this will include the company of others . So even if you have eaten there before and the lamb is the best in the world, let them make their own choice without the benefit of your experience. If they ask, then that is a different matter.
Additionally, realise that for a lot of normal people, the rule of diminishing returns applies. So don’t be upset if they want a wine from the lower end of the wine list. Not everyone is going to get excited over a Pichon Baron. Don’t even offer to buy a bottle to share with everyone, that is insulting.
3. Do not correct pronunciation of food or food terms.
So what if your friend says “sousse videe” it is really not important and you are just reinforcing the fact that you are a conceited twat. Also if someone uses the wrong glass or piece of cutlery, it doesn’t need to be pointed out. The food will still taste the same whichever fork you use.
4. Don’t poo-poo chain restaurants or plain cooking
Sometimes nothing other than a Big-Mac with fries will hit the spot, especially after a night on the beer. Or a plain bacon sandwich with white ready-cut bread. So don’t go into a sulk if your mates want to go for a MacDonalds and you really want is to pay four times the amount for a designer burger.
5. Don’t refer to celebrity chefs by their Christian name
Unless of course you are best buddies (very unlikely). It is obsequious to say “Gordon” instead of “Gordon Ramsey” on the strength that you actually saw him getting into a taxi in Hospital Road when you were leaving and he smiled at you. No one will be impressed – they will just see you as a sycophant.
6. Don’t let money influence choices
Not everything that is expensive is good. I hate caviar and some truffles smell like a wet dog to me. I once had the most amazing vegetable curry in a back street restaurant that cost £3.50. So, just because it is expensive, doesn’t mean it is “the best thing ever and I really must have some.” OK?
7. Don’t bang on about the source of certain foods
So what if Colton Bassett is the best Stilton available, to a lot of people it is just mouldy cheese and you are just showing off.
Well that is a fairly extensive list, but I am sure that some of you will have more – please share them.